Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Mr. Laslovich and the models on TV

Every now and then one gets on a subway car and is promptly met with a whole lotta crazy. Today was my lucky day.

Unlike yesterday, the "7" train showed up this morning quickly and with relatively few passengers. Lulled into thinking that this was a humble apology extended by the MTA for yesterday's stellar performance, I was pleased...until I realized that the lack of people was due entirely to a schizophrenic man, clearly on hiatus from taking his meds.

As I have mentioned before, my husband and I go to the gym before heading off to work. This morning I boldly decided to run 2 miles for my cardio portion of the workout. By the time I started my commute, my hips were throbbing and my lower back felt suspiciously stiff. Dilemma: A) do I scoot onto a different car to avoid aggressive crazy man, or B) do I rest my weary bones in the only seat available, located directly in front of him? I chose B, of course.

As I nestle into my corner seat (prime!) with my nose buried in my Kindle, Crazy Man - let's call him Gil - mumbles to me, "You and the models you watch on TV...you're stupid; your TV is taking over the world." Granted, I have a large, flat screen TV, but I wouldn't go so far as to say it's taking over the world. Gil then turns his attention to the stunning young woman sitting across from me reading Cosmo, "And you, with your technology...technology is taking over the world." Um, Gil, not to interrupt your rant, but I feel oddly compelled to defend myself as the geek with the technology, but I'll let it go. This time.

Finally, we hit the Hunter's Point stop. Enter "Mr. Laslovich," the poor schmuck. This unfortunate guy, a well-dressed executive leaving the privileged paradise known as Long Island, stumbles right into Gil's lair. Agitated, Gil shouts in his face, "Damn you, Mr. Laslovich and your duffel bag." Apparently, this Mr. Laslovich owns a mysterious blue duffel bag that he keeps high in his closet. The contents? Body parts. I can see why Gil is distressed - I'd be upset, too, if my nemesis harbored severed limbs in his closet.

Eventually, Gil begins to silently pray. Mr. Laslovich shrugs and pulls out a newspaper. I resume my literary adventure. Pretty Cosmo girl applies some lip gloss.

All is right with the world.

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